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Kallah101 See Rabbi Maroof's presentation on Jewish Marriage and hiclochos taharas Hamishpacha at http://rjmaroof.googlepages.com/shoshanatyaaqov.pdf
Online Resource: Kallah Companion at http://www.yoetzet.org/kallahcompanion While there are many English guides to taharas hamishpacha, the Kallah Companion, a web based course, is much more than another summary of the relevant halachos. Compiled by Deena Zimmerman, MD, author of A Lifetime Companion to the Laws of Jewish Family Life and director of Nishmat’s Women’s Online Information Center, and Ilana Sober, the material extends to cover points of women’s reproductive health, as well as other issues of marriage, such as shalom bayis and intimacy. A hashkafic perspective on intimacy is based on Rabbi Avraham Peretz Friedman’s book. Talli Y. Rosenbaum, PT, who contributed to the appendix of Dr. Zimmerman’s book, also offers insight on physiology involved here. Rabbi Yehuda Herzl Henkin, is the halachic supervisor for the course. When you first look at the Contents page, you have to keep scrolling further and further down to read all the topics covered. But don’t panic; it’s not as overwhelming as it seems at first glance. Each lesson is really very short. You should be able to get through a great many of them in the course of an hour. You are invited to submit any question you may have by typing it into the form that appearance at the end of each lesson and get an emailed response within 3 days (excluding Shabbat and Yom Tov). The authors of Kallah Companion invite active involvement: “You can ask for clarifications or explanations of the material you've learned. You can ask personal halachic questions about how to apply these laws in your individual situation. You can discuss your concerns about keeping or understanding these laws.” You can also ascertain how well you’ve absorbed the lessons by answering the built in review questions and checking your answers.
Kallah Companion puts forward a thorough presentation of both the concepts behind the halachos and the guidelines for practical matters. For example, it not only offers thorough directives on “How to Prepare for Immersion,” but includes a list of FAQs. In addition, there is a checklists you can print out for yourself to take along to the mikvah to double check that you’ve gone over all the bases. * The lessons also point out when a rabbi should be consulted for particular questions with suggestions to ease the mind of those who fear they would be embarrassed. Indeed, a rabbinic authority could sometimes provide a more propitious approach to one’s individual situation than can be set by guidelines geared toward a universal audience. In the area of seeing spots, in particular, Kallah Companion tends a somewhat stringent view, so it would behoove a kallah to get her posek’s advice on this matter.
In explaining the intent behind the course, the authors explain how it can supplement traditional kallah classes: “The course gives you a framework to review what you've learned and to explore questions that you might not encounter otherwise.” The course also aims to serve those whose situation or background would bar them from a conventional kallah class. While this is also an invaluable resource for them, there are some inherent limitations to the individualization possible in the web-based presentation. As the authors write in their introduction to the section on intimacy, “Personal, individual guidance from your kallah teacher or a trusted mentor can be invaluable as you prepare for this crucial component of marriage.” The online course is accessible to both the registering kallah and her husband-to-be for the duration of a year, allowing time for review and to return to topics as they arise in the course of married life. What is nice about this is that both would be getting the same classes even if the distance between them would normally preclude lessons from the same person. Being on the same page is very important in this particular area. They enjoin the kallah: “Even if you've been doing this course on your own until now, you and your chatan should read the section on Shalom Bayit together. The words below are addressed to the two of you. By setting a framework for discussing these types of issues, you are already laying the cornerstone for success.” The section offers some brief, sensible pointers to maintaining harmony in the home and sensitivity toward one’s spouse, for example, being careful about how you phrase things. As they point out, a marriage does not merely happen on its own. “The traditional blessing for a new couple is that they should merit "livnot bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael," to build a house or home. The analogy of marriage to the building of a house is very apt. A house can remain standing for many years if it is built on a strong foundation and if work is continuously invested in maintaining it. This is also true for marriage.” Learning the key lessons in Kallah Companion is a part of laying the cornerstone of the house to be built through marriage. *Note: the following point is not specific to this review but important for kallahs to know. It has come to my attention that there are some grave misimpressions about what to expect at the mikvah, which leads them to come with questions that the mikvah attendant cannot resolve for them. While there are rabbis “on-call,” they are available to by phone to answer questions that would come up only at that point. There are no rabbis present there to see cloths of a questionable state. If there is a questionable spot during the 7 clean days, one should get it to the rabbi on the day it occurred and explain at what stage it happened. Ideally, cloths should be reviewed in natural light, and all such questions should be cleared before one goes to mikvah, especially if there is a possibility that the immersion would have to be put off. The same holds true for other questions that may affect clearance for immersion. Leaving these questions suspended until entering a bath puts everyone in an awkward position and causes unnecessary delays for other patrons of the mikvah. To see answers to more Frequently Asked Questions, see http://www.yoatzot.org
The article below appears in the Winter 2005 issue of Kallah Magazine Before You Order Your Linens by Mimi Samuels Mazel Tov! You’re engaged. Plan the L’chaim and the vort. Pick a date and book a hall. (Rather, pick the date the hall has available and pray everything works out.) Shop. Shop. Shop. Make a list of all the important things you have to take care of: gown, shoes, make-up lady, shaitel, outfits for sheva brachos… and somewhere on the bottom of the list is-uh oh! I’m getting married next month and I forgot to take Kallah classes. Get recommendations. Make a few calls. This one is only available mornings, and you work. The other one will only give you a 10 session course and you don’t have any time. You ask them if they know of someone else…”Please I’ll take anyone. I’m desperate!” Ask any Kallah teacher or recent newlywed and they will tell you the above scenario is all too familiar. It doesn’t have to be this way. Perhaps with a few answers to some basic questions, you can prevent this from happening to you. What are Kallah classes? Kallah classes are given one on one or in a small group to teach Jewish brides the laws of Taharas Hamishpacha (Family Purity) including laws concerning preparation for and immersion in the mikvah, laws of Niddah, Jewish views on topics concerning intimacy and Shalom Bayis. Kallah teachers are trained to help pick a wedding date that fits in to a Kallah’s cycle, thereby eliminating the need for hormonal drugs. The class also includes Hashkafic insights that help a woman understand the laws and help her to keep them in a more meaningful manner. Sometimes the course is given in a school setting such as in high school or college. While this may be enough to introduce the topic, it should not be relied upon to learn all of the halachos (laws) in a comprehensive manner. These laws are so important and intimate, that it is crucial for them to be learned in a manner where personal questions can be asked clearly and answered in a way that avoids discomfort or immodesty. What should I look for in a kallah teacher? A kallah teacher should be a woman you can rely on for her yiras shamayim and solid grounding in the halachos as established by the tradition of Gedolei Torah. She should be warm, approachable, and easy to talk to. Always ask for referrals from a Rabbi or teacher whom you trust. It is preferable to learn from a woman because this is a woman’s intimate mitzvah, and women can convey the beauty of it more directly. They can also recommend ways of doing things that can be uncomfortable discussing with a male. A kallah teacher should be someone you feel comfortable talking to and asking questions regarding personal and intimate topics. The relationship should be one that continues even after the wedding when all the topics you learn about are actually being practiced. A good kallah teacher will encourage you to call or even meet with you after the wedding to clarify any questions or concerns. If you are not 100% comfortable with your Kallah teacher you should look in to changing teachers. The information learned in a kallah class is too important to risk misunderstanding. What does my chasson need to learn? Just like you must take kallah classes, your husband-to-be must take chasson classes. A man must also be proficient in all the halachos because the laws apply equally to him. There are also hashkafah and shalom bayis issues that are most effectively learned with someone he knows and trusts rather than having them relayed to him by a third party. Your chasson should ask a Rav from his yeshiva or shul to recommend an experienced teacher. He should also speak to his Rav or Rosh Yeshiva about setting up a “Chasson Smooze,” a one on one talk with a Rav that will give him pointers on how to treat his wife with love and respect. If he does not have a close connection to a Rav, a kallah teacher will usually have a list of well known chasson mentors that he could call. It is best that both the chasson and kallah learn the same halachic and hashkafic concepts so that their partnership will both be on the same page on marriage issues, so there is mutual cooperation in upholding the mitzvos. How can I find a qualified teacher? Your local orthodox Rabbi or Rebbetzin, and the mikvah attendant should be able to recommend someone in your community. Another resource is the JME (Jewish Marriage Education) organization. Founded by Rabbi Yirmiyahu and Tehilla Abramov, who have trained kallah teachers for over 30 years, the JME has been endorsed by gedolai Yisroel such as Rav Auerbach a”h, Rav Elyashiv, Rav Wolbe a”h. . A certified JME teacher is trained to give over the standardized laws and information to women of all backgrounds. You can contact the JME at their North American office at (718) 758-0929 or at their website http://www.eisheSchayil.com/private/jme/index.htm for a listing of counselor coordinators in your area. They can assist you in finding a kallah teacher to match your needs. Is there a fee? So that you won’t be forced into an awkward situation, ask if the teacher charges a fee and how much it is. Some teachers do charge because it takes a great deal of time and energy to teach the material thoroughly. There is a range in price, depending on the teacher and if the class is for a group or one-on-one. If payment is a problem, say so upfront. Teaching Torah is a tremendous mitzvah and many kallah teachers will discount or make an exception if the cost poses a real problem. If you have difficulty finding a teacher who does not charge, you can call JME for assistance. Do bear in mind, it is more difficult to find what you need under tight time constraints, so don’t leave finding your kallah teacher to the last minute. How much time do I need to complete the entire course? Being taught individually is ideal for most kallahs in terms of individual attention, flexibility, and privacy. At least 10-20 hours are needed to devote adequate time to cover all the points of halacha and hashkafah. It is usually broken up into 6-10 sessions. If taught in a group, the class would have to adhere to set times. One-on-one, the course can be broken up into sessions that fit into your mutual schedules. Kallahs usually have personal issues that need in depth discussion and since these laws are so private and unfamiliar they need to be taught with patience, and reviewed to insure full understanding. What if I’m not confident that I learned all that I need to know? If you left kallah classes for the last minute, or were so preoccupied by wedding arrangements that you couldn’t give the class the attention needed to be sure you are doing everything correctly, there are positive steps you can take. Unfortunately, many times a kallah does not have the time or peace of mind to find a kallah teacher best suited for her, or even if the chemistry is there, she doesn’t have the presence of mind to absorb all of the halachos and topics discussed. A teacher is trained to develop a bond with each kallah even after the wedding. Do not hesitate to call your kallah teacher with a question. She will probably be very happy to hear from you and to offer whatever help she can. In addition, a woman can and should take a refresher course after childbirth or after a few years of marriage to review halachos and make certain she is doing everything correctly. Refresher courses are usually posted at the local mikvah. It is never too late to contact your Rav, Rebbetzin, or JME and be introduced to teacher who can review or discuss issues that concern you. Most important of all, do not hesitate to call your posek about any shaylos that come up. Nearly all young couples confront questions. Rather than choosing to be machmir or mekil on your own, you should let a qualified rabbi make that determination. That way you can be truly confident that what you did was right. For information on kallah classes http://www.eisheschayil.com/private/jme/index.htm --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The article below appears in the Summer 2008 issue of Kallah Magazine Review of Ish v'Isha by Rabbi Chaim Brown (Note that this book has been translated into English under the title The Marriage Convenant. It is available online here) While it may be difficult to find a copy of Ish v’Isha --Zachu, Shechina Beineihem: Pirkei Hadracha l’Chattan v’Kallah in the United States (a colleague obtained a copy for me on a recent trip to Israel), it is well worth the effort to procure this exceptional sefer. Ish v’Isha is a well-written (in Hebrew) work of comprehensive scope by Rabbi Elyashiv Knohl, a Rebbe in Yeshivat Kibutz haDati as well as a Rav in Kfar Etzion. I cannot think of a better guide for the prospective chassan or kallah than this work.
There are many seforim and handbooks that cover the technical halachos of taharas hamishpacha, and there are a number of books that have appeared recently that discuss how to build a healthy marriage relationship to ensure shalom bayis. Rav Knohl’s sefer bridges both of these worlds and covers other areas as well. The sefer includes a detailed review of the laws of taharas hamishpacha, an extensive discussion of the emotional and psychological tools necessary to maintain a good relationship with one’s spouse, a discussion of the wedding ceremony and sheva brachos, and finally, a discussion of family planning and shana rishona. Another feature that distinguishes this work from the standard handbooks is a guide to martial intimacy in light of Torah and halacha that is included as a separately wrapped paperback.
The first third of Rav Knohl’s sefer focuses on what the young chassan or kallah needs to know about building a healthy relationship with his or her prospective spouse. While his work is rooted in halacha and Torah sources, Rav Knohl is clearly aware of secular works and research that shed light on these issues. Many works that seek to address the issue of disagreements in marriage either direct the wife to unquestioningly defer to her husband’s preferences, or advise the husband to buy his wife gifts to mollify her if she becomes upset and angry, without attempting to get to the root causes of disagreement. Rav Knohl instead encourages the chassan and kallah to develop a healthy respect for each others’ differences and individuality while learning to live together harmoniously. The greatest benefit to this section of the book is the practical realism which Rav Knohl brings to the discussion of marriage, raising issues which the chassan and kallah may only come to appreciate as they advance into married life.
We may hope that the glow of sheva brachos lasts forever, but at the same time the new chassan and kallah need to be aware that even the most happily married couples will still run into conflict and their share of difficult moments. The key to a good relationship is dealing with these moments are arriving at reconciliation and a return to mutual love and respect. Rav Knohl provides helpful advice on issues like dealing with conflict when it arises, balancing independence from parents with the imperative of kibbud avv aem, managing areas like finances where disagreement tends to develop. While there is no way to prevent the difficult patches that inevitably arise down the road, an awareness of these issues can be helpful in navigating those patches.
The second section of Rav Knohl’s work is a comprehensive treatment of taharas hamishpacha. There are a number of features that distinguish Rav Knohl’s sefer. Each chapter opens with background information that sets out the sources in Chazal for the laws being presented along with some discussion of why they were implemented. In addition, for those who are interested in further background, there is a complete chapter dedicated to tracing the development of the halacha from the basic Torah law to our present day practice. Rav Knohl avoids apologetics in explaining halacha, but that does not diminish his ability to convey an appreciation of the philosophy and beauty of observance to the reader. An understanding of the development and rationale of these halachos makes one appreciate the sense behind the observance. Along these same lines, Rav Knohl does not simply present the halacha, but addresses concerns the modern reader might have that would be a roadblock to appreciating halacha or proper observance throughout the sefer.
For example, in discussing the need to discuss certain private issues with a Rav, e.g. maros, Rav Knohl elaborates on how these questions can be posed in confidence of privacy. A Rav, like a doctor, expects questions in these areas and should maintain discretion. For women who prefer to discuss issues with other women, Rav Knohl recommends the yoetzet hotline. Another example is Rav Knohl’s treatment of the harchakos. Rather than sugar-coat these halachos as easy to fulfill if not for the reader’s frailty, Rav Knohl acknowledges that these areas may be difficult for the young couple, but stresses the greater emotional as spiritual good that results from keeping these halachos and which may only be apparent over time.
Unlike handbooks which often codify stringencies which go beyond the basic halachic requirements, increasing the challenge for a young couple, Rav Knohl emphasizes commonly held practice and basic requirements. In areas where difficulties may arise, Rav Knohl makes the reader aware of possible leniencies which may be employed in consultation with a Rav. By taking such an approach, Rav Knohl empowers the reader with the knowledge of issues that may arise, solutions that are available, and areas that may need discussion in advance with a Rav, to alleviate fear and concerns. The presentation of these halachos is comprehensive and thorough, with great attention to practical detail and real-life situations. Of course, no sefer can answer every question; every couple’s situation is unique, which is why Rav Knohl repeatedly stresses the need to have a competent Rav with whom one can consult in this areas. In addition to the halachic material, there is a chapter devoted to the relevant biological facts.
The third section of the sefer deals with the actual wedding ceremony, the week of sheva brachos, and the first year of marriage. This portion of the sefer does not go into the halachic depth and detail found in other sections, rather it offers an overview simply to familiarize the chassan and kallah with the steps of the wedding ceremony and some of its halachic background. A chapter is devoted to the important issues surrounding family planning. Here, too, Rav Knohl explores the philosophical dimension of the importance of the Jewish family alongside a treatment of the halachic regulations. As there is no one answer that fits all, a couple is encouraged to discuss their feelings with a Rav whom they feel will be sensitive to their concerns.
The halachos of taharas hamishpacha and the dynamic of the marriage relationship comprise some of the most private and personal areas of life which Torah addresses. Writing and teaching these topics carries the risk of appearing overly intrusive or appearing to make too burdensome demands. Ish v’Isha manages to avoid these pitfalls while at the same time remaining true to the integrity and authenticity of halacha. The reader will undoubtedly gain a greater understanding and appreciation of halacha from this work as well as much practical advice that will help in the many years of marriage that lay ahead.
The
article below appears in the Spring 2006 issue of Kallah
Magazine Read
Your Way to a
Better Marriage By
Mimi
Samuels Now, what if you can’t? What if conversations just don’t go smoothly with your parents? Well, now is the time to brush up on your communication skills. Yes, it is important to have a Rav, teacher, or mentor to whom you can speak about your problems, but they don’t live with you or share your life. It is crucial for a happy marriage to be able to communicate your feelings, your wants and needs, and most importantly, your pleasure and displeasure to someone who is close to you. So the sooner you start practicing that art, the better off you are. Also, there are new and personal halachos that you may feel uncomfortable about because they don’t pertain to singles, but Torah is Torah and you should not use a false sense of tznius as an excuse not to discuss these issues with your parents or spouse. I am talking about halacha and hashkafa issues that according to Chazal are best taught in a loving and caring way from parent to child. (see Sefer Kedusha chapter three letter 17). Important note: one should never reveal details of one’s intimate life with their spouse to their parents without explicit permission from their spouse beforehand. So what happens if your parents never taught you to swim? If they didn’t teach you a trade, are you absolved from working? No, then you must take matters into your own hands. Find yourself a good Rav or teacher that has yiras shamayim and make sure you learn the Torah way to have a good marriage and a good relationship with your spouse. Baruch Hashem, we are lucky to have at our disposal numerous books written in English that discuss this very subject. These books are helpful not only for you to review halachos and hashkafos of married life, but they can also be a wonderful springboard for discussions with your parents, spouse, or future spouse about various issues. Try this for an opener: “I read this really interesting book about… read this and tell me what you think.” Let me give you another tip, while you’re still here. Don’t be cheap. Buy the books. That way you’ll be free to mark it up, underline, highlight, and to have it for future reference. Don’t borrow them from friends because chances are three years after you’re married their book will still be on your shelf. (Ahem, you know who I’m talking to.) Also you must never stop working on your relationship, so these books will come in handy throughout your life. I will go so far as to say that they may be some of the most important books in your sefarim shrank. Even years after you are married, try taking one of these books down, dust it off, and curl up with it on a Shabbos afternoon. Everyone can use a brush up on their halacha, hashkafa, or communication skills, and it will only enhance your relationship by giving new meaning to the Mitzvos practiced by husband and wife. You’d be surprised how many new things you discover after reading a book a second time. Okay, down to business, which books should you add to your collection? Now I’m talking only about English books here. Of course everyone should learn halacha and hashkafa straight from the gemara and other commentaries, but there are some excellent books on taharas hamishpacha written in English, and no Jewish home should be without at least one. One of the most famous of these books, which is available in many popular languages, is The Secret of Jewish Femininity, by Tehilla Abramov. It is an easy- to- read, practical guide to the laws of family purity. This book contains stories and insights that help a woman feel good about doing these halachos and lists all the laws in a clear easy to understand format. Rebbetzin Abramov is the founder of the Jewish Marriage Education organization which promotes the teaching of taharas hamishpacha worldwide. ArtScroll has a sefer, called A Woman’s Guide to the Laws of Niddah, by Rabbi Binyamin Forst, a leading posek in hilchos ishus. The book is beautifully written and goes through all of the laws in a clear, thorough and very readable way. It is an excellent review of your kallah classes. (But should really not be a replacement for learning with a competent real live teacher.) The book can also be helpful if you have a basic question about halacha. If you don’t find the answer to your shaila in the book, it will give you insight on how to properly bring your shailos to a Rav. It comes beautifully bound in leather and makes a great gift to your favorite kallah. Another book which is a rather good summary of hilchos Taharas hamishpacha is The Concise Guide to Jewish Family Laws, by Rabbi Zev Schostak. This is a small pocket paperback which briefly describes the halachos, touches on some hashkafa and has a really handy mikvah directory in the back. The topic of intimacy is covered in many Hebrew sefarim Such as Rambam on hilchos ishus,called Yad Hachazaka, Ohel Rachel and Mishkan Yisrael, but I have only found one book written in English that comprehensively discusses the complex topic of intimacy in a straight forward yet very Tzniusdik way. Rabbi Avraham Peretz Friedman’s book, Marital Intimacy- a Traditional Jewish Approach, is an excellent, must-read for every chasson, kallah, and married people of all ages. Rabbi Friedman draws from many Torah sources to discuss the obligation of spouses to each other, and to dispel many negative misrepresentations of Jewish views on sexuality. Now for the hard part, how can I sift through all of the books written about shalom bayis, respect and communication between spouses? My favorites are the ones written by noted marriage therapists who have unfortunately loads of experience with problems between chassanim and kallahs and husbands and wives. Marriage therapists are in the unparalleled position to provide true- to- life examples to embellish their advice on what to do and what not to do to insure a happy marriage. Doctor Meir Wikler writes a short, easy to read, yet very comprehensive guide to preserving shalom bayis. In his book, Bayis Neeman B’Yisrael, he provides guidelines on what to expect from dating and courtship, what type of anxiety is normal, tips on effective communication, and very importantly, how to find help if you, or someone you love, needs help. Atara Malach, a well-known marriage counselor in Eretz Yisrael, who deals with many English speaking young couples, wrote an excellent book called You Owe it to Yourself, (Yes that’s the one that’s still on your shelf!) It’s a very readable book; full of examples that you will undoubtedly identify with, that deal with the power of words, gender differences, emotions, conflict resolution and best of all, problem solving. Speaking of gender differences and emotions, I was tempted to talk about the famous book Men are from Mars Women are From Venus. You know that one. But really we have such a wealth of books written by talmidai chachomim and yarai shamayim that deal with the same topics brought up in that book, but from a wholly Jewish perspective. Why give John Gray the credit when the torah came up with so many of his insights first? Instead you could read a book such as Rabbi Eliezer Medwed’s book called Together We Are One (sounds more positive, doesn’t it?) that talks about foundations of a good marriage, improving communication, how hormones affect a relationship, and handy do’s and don’ts for both men and women. He gives Torah sources and Torah advice that is more custom fit to Jewish couples. Rabbi Doctor Abraham Twersky, a well-respected, psychiatrist, who is a descendant of the founders of the chasidic movement and who gives his much coveted endorsements to many of the books listed in this article has written many books on human behavior, one of them entitled The First Year of Marriage. I loved reading this book because I like to understand the how and why of all the behaviors he discusses. He gives the clinical reasons and interpretations of human behaviors, like anger, control, and anxiety, manifested in healthy normal adults in a very simple and easy to understand way. I love the way he combines comprehensive advice with sources from secular psychology with sage chasidic advice passed down from his ancestors. He also includes a unit for second marriages that is especially helpful for those in the parsha a second time around. Everyone’s tastes vary when it comes to books. Some people favor books they could read cover to cover in one sitting. Others prefer books that can be read one piece at a time, allowing the reader to ponder each part and its powerful message. Rabbi Eliyahu Goldschmidt A”H wrote two books: Dear Daughter and Dear Son, which contain letters compiled through his many years of helping and counseling people. R’ Goldschmidt’s books are in the category of books that are enjoyed most when read and discussed, one letter at a time, with a loved one (read: spouse, fiancé, and yes, parent,) rather than be read all at once. The same goes for the ArtScroll book, called, simply enough, Marriage, by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. The book contains literally hundreds of real life stories pertaining to shalom bayis and advice that are both inspirational and helpful. Trying to read this book in one sitting is likely to make your head spin, so you may want to take it in small doses for maximum benefit. In the easy to read category, is Dear Kallah, by Malka Kaganoff, a well respected rebbetzin and kallah teacher. This book, written for brides, is also helpful for married women. Its basic format is set up to offer 64 “messages” to women that offer good advice on topics relating to shalom bayis with examples and stories to support it. I’ve listed quite a number of books, yet I feel like I haven’t covered the tip of the iceberg. There are many more fine books on communication, some of which are out of print or hard to order, and some that are written by the same authors of the books listed above. A common theme that is expressed in all of these books is the importance of expressing appreciation, saying “I’m sorry,” and knowing when to compromise. My best advice to you is to visit a Judaic book store to peruse the many books they have to offer. If something piques your interest, go ahead and make the purchase. No, I don’t own a book store and I don’t take commission, but I can tell you from experience that these books are very valuable to all Jewish couples, especially young ones. Some couples are in desperate need of help and can be guided to the right resources through these books. Even normal, healthy couples like to know that what they are experiencing in their relationship is not unusual, and it is certainly better to gain this insight from a book rather than from comparing issues with friends or family which is a big no–no. They don’t teach enough of this stuff in school, and we could all use a good review on important lessons in communication and mutual respect. So read, learn, connect, and never stop working on your relationship.
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