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Story: Rachel's Dream

                    by AN

At 3:28 AM , Rachel cried out: “It can’t be!  It’s not supposed to be this way!”

Her mother hurried into Rachel’s bedroom: “What is it?  What are you upset about?”

Rachel started and sat up.  She reached out for her mother as she opened her eyes.

“Where am I?”

“In your bed, of course.  A couple of hours before dawn on a Shabbos morning, where else would you expect to be?” her mother asked.

“At my wedding,” Rachel dazedly replied.

“Well, that is still four days away.  But if you thought you were there, why were you upset?  You’ve been planning all the details and looking forward to your picture perfect wedding.”

“That’s just it!” Rachel replied.  “It was not my wedding.”

Seeing that just confused her mother more, Rachel, went on:  “What I mean is that I was the bride, so it was my wedding, as far as that goes.  But it was not the way I had planned it.  Everything was different and . . . odd.”

“Like what?”

“Well, it started with my getting into the car to get the hall.”

“What was the problem there, Rachel?”

“It began to rain.”

“Why was that so bad?” her mother asked.

Rachel began to feel exasperated.  “Don’t you remember that we ordered a special white fur cape for me to wear?  What good is it if it looks like a drenched animal or if it is covered up by a big ugly rain cape so that nobody can see it?  Also my painstakingly styled hair began frizzing up due to the humidity.”

“I know how you spent hours planning how best to set your hair with your headpiece.”

“Yes, that’s why what you said was so odd.”

“What I said?  Oh, I was in the dream, too?”

“Of course, you were.  It was your only daughter’s wedding.  But you were . . . not quite the same.”

“How?  I’m very curious about my dream self,” Rachel’s mother said.

“You just shrugged these things off.  You said that leaving the fur cape at home would make it easier for you to return it.  And when I started crying about my hair, you said, ‘It’s really a good thing.  Now you’ll feel better about  covering it.’”

“Well, that is a good response, if I do say so myself.”

Rachel gave her mother a look and proceeded to say, “But in my dream, as soon as the car was on the highway, I realized that my custom sheitel was left behind and that I would have to start out covering my hair with a tichel(sob)!”

“Did my dream self offer you any words of comfort about that?:”

“Yes, she . . .  I mean you. . .  I mean in my dream you said that it is good thing.  Because my sheitel looks exactly like my hair, I would not look any different wearing it than with my hair uncovered, so the tichel would better convey that I was now married.”

“Well, that’s an interesting approach.  So was everything okay after that?”

“No!  One of my contact lenses fell out, and no one could find it!  So I couldn’t keep a clear focus on anything more than four feet away from me.”

“What did you do about that?”

Rachel explained, “Well, you told me that as the bride, I was the one to keep in view, so I wasn’t missing anything by not being able to see clearly.  I only had to keep smiling and could focus on something close by reading Tehilim.  Also you said it was a good thing that people would appear to be a blur to me as I walk down the aisle, so I won’t fee too self-conscious.”

“I guess we better remember to bring along a Tehilim, and perhaps a spare pair of contact lenses,” her mother said.  “Was there anything else in the dream?”

“Yes.” Rachel explained, “You know that I carefully planned the order of the melodies for the band to play.”

“Yes, we spent about four hours going over that.  So didn’t they play what you wanted in your dream?”

“They might have been playing anything for all the difference it would make.  I couldn’t hear anything above the sound of hundreds of cell phones ringing.”

“Hundreds of them?” Rachel’s mother asked.

“Yes, all the guests seemed to be getting urgent phones during the chupa!  I just couldn’t believe it!  Just when we arrived at the event that had been planned for so long, people busy themselves with their own petty little concerns.  I mean, what could be so important that it should interfere with the regard due the occasion?”

“That certainly is a question worth considering” her mother replied.  “Perhaps we will have to have the ushers confiscate the cell phones from the guests before they enter the chupa room.  But if they are as attached to their phones as you have been to yours these past few months, they may have to be surgically removed.  So after the chupa, did everything go ok?”

“Not at all!  My carefully coordinated color scheme was destroyed.  You know that I had planned for a peach color theme with the centerpieces picking up on the family members’ gowns.  But in my dream, the peach accents were left out of the centerpieces, which were just plain white!”

“That wrecked everything?” her mother asked.

“No, not just that but Ephraim’s sisters each wore a gown of a different color!  One was in navy blue, one wore green, and one even wore brown!  I mean, they didn’t even match each other, and they were totally out of sync with my perfect peach color scheme!”

“So what did I say about that?” her mother asked.

“You said that it’s good that my sisters-in-law are wearing what they want rather than what they feel forced into, and that family harmony is far more important than color harmony  As for the centerpieces, you said that because they were not peach, people wouldn’t realize that it was meant to be the color scheme.”

“I sound so astute!  If I didn’t know who I really was, I might be impressed!”

“Mother!” Rachel cried.  “Don’t you see that in my dream the dream I’ve had for my wedding totally collapsed!”

“Only on the surface, Darling.  You were still marrying the right man, which is, after all the most important part of the wedding.”  Seeing that her daughter still looked worried, her mother continued, “And this dream may prove to be a good thing, as my dream self seems to point out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Think of it as a warning.  We know to be extra careful about your sheitel, your contact lenses, preventing cell phone disruptions, and checking on the center pieces.”

“What about Ephraim’s sisters?” Rachel demanded.

“Well, think of your reaction to the cell phone ringing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I believe you’ll have to figure that out for yourself, my dear.  But…”

“But what?” Rachel asked impatiently.

“But if I would venture on an interpretation, I would suggest that you have to show regard for the celebration in front more than the arrangements you have in mind.  The big picture should impress us more than the concern over small things... Not everything always goes according to your plan, but that doesn’t mean it is not according to the plan, that is what is prearranged for us.”

“I don’t think I fully understand your point.”

“Oh, I’m not certain I fully understand it myself.  But now, get some sleep.  You want to make it to shul on time tomorrow, or I should say, today.”

“Of course.  And, Mother, I am sorry for waking you.”

“That’s okay, it may be the last time I get to be the one to comfort you at night.  It’s part of the mother’s job.”

The next morning in shul, in honor of the upcoming wedding,  the rabbi addressed the topic of the great accomplishment of marriage.  He focused on the story of Rachel’s self-sacrifice to build up her husband into the Torah giant known as Rebbi Akiva.  He detailed her renunciation of the wealth and prestige of her father’s household for a life of poverty and deprivation.  After many years, she finally had her reward in her husband’s recognition as a great scholar and his affirmation of her share in his accomplishment. 

While the rabbi spoke, Rachel’s mother observed a faraway look on her daughter’s face.  She thought that Rachel may still be dwelling on her dream, but hoped she would cheer up in the company of the guests.  Happily, Rachel greeted her guests graciously and appeared radiantly happy.

After Shabbos ended, Rachel approached her mother. “I want to talk to you about  a change of plans,” she said with determination.

Rachel’s mother experienced a quick jolt of panic.  Oh, no.  She got so upset that she is going to call it off.   If it will not match her perfect vision, she would rather not have it.  Aloud, though, she only said in what she hoped was a calm voice, “Really, dear, what changes do you want?”

Taking a deep breath, Rachel began, “I want to cancel our shopping trip for the next two days”

This was not wholly reassuring to Rachel’s mother.  However, she did not want to get openly upset just yet.  “But you said you needed three more sheva brachos outfits and two more pairs of shoes.”

“I changed my mind.  I don’t really need that many outfits.  I have three suits and two dresses that will do just fine, and I already have the shoes to match them.  I want to spend the time preparing my new apartment.”

Attempting to conceal her sigh of relief, her mother asked, : “But why do you have to do that?  We ordered a cleaning service for you.”

“I know.  I would like you to cancel it so that I can do it myself.”  Rachel hesitated a moment.  “I also would like you to cancel the fur cape.  I realize it is not necessary, especially if it does rain.  If you don’t mind, I would like the money that would have been spent on those things to go to a hachnosos kallah fund.  I hope that by doing the cleaning myself, I can be considered to have a share in the tzedaka.  Also, I want to have more of a share in supporting Ephraim’s learning.”  Here, Rachel paused again.  “So I decided that I should take a job.”

Her mother quickly said, “But you know that isn’t necessary.  Your father has agreed to support you for the next couple of years.  You needn’t struggle.”

Rachel nodded.  “I know that.  Please don’t get me wrong.  I really appreciate your generosity”  She gave a somewhat mischievous smile.  “And  I didn’t say that I’m letting you off the hook altogether.  But if we live with less from you for the first two years, perhaps you’ll be able to help through for longer.  Then Ephraim may continue learning for another couple of years.”

 She went on, “Also I feel that I should struggle.  I feel that what comes out of my part in the marriage will mean more if I work for it.  If my namesake could give up so much to support her husband’s twenty-four years of uninterrupted learning, the least I could do is get a job to contribute to sustaining the household and earn a share in my husband’s learning.”

So the wedding went off smoothly after all.  There were some dark clouds in the sky in the morning, but they parted to clear the sky by late afternoon.  The evening was so mild that a fur cape would have been excessive.  While not all of Ephraim’s sisters wore the requisite peach, Rachel didn’t comment even in her own mind.  And when a guest’s cell phone actually did ring, just after the chupa, Rachel took that as a reminder of her resolution to look at the big picture and concentrate all her efforts into what really matters. 

Rachel turned to her mother, and said.  “Oh, one more thing.  Tomorrow, please have my gown cleaned.”

Her mother was somewhat surprised that her daughter was so concerned about that now.  “Why, did you spill the wine on it?  Are you afraid a stain will set in?”

“Nothing like that.  I just want to make it available for use for needy kallahs to wear.  So it should be cleaned and ready for them to wear as soon as possible, so that I can contribute something to enhancing other people’s simcha.  This was my dream dress, and I would like it to help other people realize their dreams.”

            Mother and daughter smiled at each other.  Rachel had indeed succeeded in realizing her own dream.

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                    Pesach Plans

                                                                by An

Rachel was really trying to look forward to her first Pesach as a married woman.  She knew that Yom Tov should be anticipated as a time of joyous celebration.  To give herself a shot in the arm in the inspiration department, she had committed to a series of shiurim that she hoped would help her toward the right attitude.  She wanted to be able to welcome the spring season as the time to commemorate the original geula of klal Yisrael.  Despite her efforts, she still found herself dreading the approach of the holiday.  At the close of Shabbos Parah, she found her anxiety intensifying.  She wasn’t daunted by the prospect of cleaning, shopping, and cooking because she and Ephraim were not to be home for Pesach.  They were to spend the entire Pesach in Pennsylvania --at Ephraim’s parents’ home.  Eight days with her in-laws seemed like a very, very long time to Rachel, and as the calendar advanced toward Nisan, Rachel grew more and more agitated.

            Rachel was used to always being with her own family for Pesach.  She had expected to have the prerogative of spending the first Pesach with her parents.  However, Ephraim’s mother had been surprisingly insistent that they come to their home.   As the young couple lived only a few miles away from the Reichs, Ephraim’s mother argued that Rachel’s parents got to see them all the time.   On the other hand, the distance between the young Kleins and Ephraim’s parents took several hours of driving, so they had not gotten together since the sheva brochos.  

It became clear to Rachel that she did not really have a choice in the matter if she wanted to remain on speaking terms with them.  Yet, she was nervous that during the extended time together she would feel that she was being scrutinized and that her mother-in-law was bound to find fault in something she would do or say.  Ephraim was the only son in a family with three sisters, so he held a rather prominent place in his mother’s eyes.  It was hard to accept that any woman, least of all one who was spoilt as the only daughter in a comfortable household, could be worthy of him.  Rachel knew she would feel compelled to prove herself and would feel irritated about feeling compelled.

            It would be eight very long days.  Rachel accepted her fate as irrevocable, as she had told her mother when she was asked if she was certain they would not want to come to the Reich household even for the last days. 

            “It’s kind of you to offer, Mother, but I can’t accept. Ephraim’s mother was very clear about wanting us to stay for the entire Pesach.  She would be upset with me if I suggested splitting the time.”

            “Well, if you’re sure about it, dear.”

            “Oh, I am,” Rachel sighed.

            “Well, then we may just do what your father suggested and join Yitzchak’s family at the hotel.”

            Yitzchak was Rachel’s older brother.  He and his wife (and, also their children once they were born) had usually come to the Reich home for Pesach during their four years of marriage.  This year, however, Yitzchak had declined the open invitation to his parents’ home because he had a position in a hotel for the holiday.  The senior Reichs thought they would host their daughter and new son-in-law for this Pesach.  When Rachel said they would not be able to come, her father suggested that instead of staying home by themselves, they join their son at the hotel.

            Later, Rachel’s mother called her again to say that it was a good thing they decided by then because they had just managed to get the last available room in the hotel.  Rachel tried to be happy for her mother who was looking forward to seeing her grandchildren and to being able to relax. She restrained herself from complaining out loud, but she still kept hearing the nagging questions in her head, “Why do things always seem to work out for other people?  Why do I have to be stuck where I don’t want to be, while others get to do what they want?” Whether it would be at home or in a hotel, she wished she could have the comfortable familiarity of her own family, rather than being under the watch of in-laws.  She was sure she would not be able to relax even for a minute in the Klein home, but it appeared that her fate was sealed.

            A few days later, the phone rang.  Rachel was glad that Ephraim picked it up when she realized that it was his mother on the phone.  On his end, she heard him say, “It’s okay.  Of course, you should be with her to help her out.  Don’t worry.  It’ll be fine.  Everything will work out.  You’ll see.  Yes, we will arrange it.  No, you don’t have to worry about us.  I’ll let you know what we’re doing.  Really, it’s okay. Rachel sends her love.  Bye.”

            Rachel conveyed her questions with a look to her husband.

            “That was my mother,” he began.

            “Yes, I know.  Is there a problem?”

            “Well, you could say that.  We won’t be able to come to my parents’ house for Pesach,” Ephraim began.

            Rachel tried to keep her facial expression as one of quiet concern rather than ecstatic relief.  She also refrained from letting out the sigh she felt at this unexpected release.  She managed a somewhat forced, “Oh, why is that?”

            “She has to be in Baltimore with Penny.”

            Penny was Ephraim’s second sister.  She had two young children and was expecting twins in July.  At her last obstetric visit, her blood pressure was very high.  The doctor ordered her on strict bed rest, which would preclude her from preparing for Pesach, traveling elsewhere for the holiday, and even limit how much she could care for her 18 month-old and three-year-old. Penny’s family could not afford to hire enough help for all that would need to be done, so Mrs. Klein had to come to the rescue.  The senior Klein family, including Ephraim’s youngest sister would be staying with Penny’s family in their apartment beginning the week before Pesach.  Mrs. Klein would organize the switch over to Pesach and all the shopping and cooking, so that her daughter would be able to follow the doctor’s orders.

            “I hope that Penny will be okay,” Rachel said.

            Ephraim laughed, “She’s actually quite sturdy, but I think that lying still will be harder for her than doing what she is used to.  She is very independent, and she knows my mother will be there as much to watch that she doesn’t do anything the doctor did not allow as to help prepare for Pesach”  More seriously, he continued, “Are you very upset?”

            “About what?  Not being able to join your parents for Pesach?  Of course not, I understand that this was an emergency.”

            “I’m glad you’re taking it so well,” Ephraim said.

            “Why do you find that so surprising?” Rachel asked.

            “Well, it means a lot more work for you.”

            “What do you mean?  I’m sure my parents would be glad to ha- . . .” Rachel stopped as she realized that while her parents would have been glad to host them, they could not do so at the hotel with no rooms available.  Was that panic that she was experiencing, or was the room spinning?          

This situation definitely called for a plan B, but what should she tell Ephraim?  Even when her mother had made Pesach at home Rachel had never had much to do with the preparations.  She wouldn’t know where to begin.  Would Ephraim be disappointed in her if she admitted that?  Was the thing to do here to say, “No problem,” even if she felt there was a problem that she could not handle on her own?  Rachel decided on the course of honesty.

“You’re right,” she said.  “I hadn’t thought of that before.  I don’t even know what I have and what I need to buy for Pesach.”

“Should we just figure out what we want for the meals and order takeout?” Ephraim suggested.

Rachel hesitated in answering.  It was a very tempting solution to the problem.  They could just buy a device to warm food and get all their meals from the Kosher To Go.  But Rachel knew that it was very expensive to buy everything ready.  They did have the money, but she had resolved to stick to a budget and keep expenses down.  Also she felt that it would look bad for her, and her mother-in-law may feel that Rachel was too spoilt for her son.  

Noticing that she did not respond immediately, Ephraim volunteered, “You know I’m going to be off from yeshiva now, and we could work together to prepare for Pesach.”

Rachel smiled.  She did not have to bear the burden alone.  She did not have to have all answers on her own.  “All right.  We’ll  work together,” she declared.

Ephraim and Rachel pulled out their boxes of still unopened wedding presents.  They found that they had a kettle, a set of pots, a food processor, a box of silverware, a set of glasses, and more wine decanters than they could ever fill up that could be used for Pesach.   A search in the linen close yielded a tablecloth, potholders, and an unused challah cover that could be used for their matzah.  They discussed what they still needed to purchase.  Rachel started a shopping list for supplies, including, knives, a peeler,  a hand mixer, a mixing bowl, and a measuring cup.  Ephraim volunteered to toivel all the metal and glass items.   She asked Ephraim if he thought they should buy regular baking pans and dishes or disposable ones.

“Well, since I have to do the toiveling,” Ephraim admitted, “I’m in favor of disposable ones.  But if you really want the real ones and volunteer to wash all the dishes and pans . . .”

“Okay,” Rachel laughed.  “This year, we’ll use plastic plates and aluminum pans.  It’ll be less of a financial outlay, and we won’t have to find storage space for everything after Pesach.”

“Good thinking!” Ephraim said. “And while we’re shopping for paper goods, we’ll also pick up contact paper, foil, dish detergent, sponges, and a blowtorch.”

“A blowtorch!?”

“For kashering the stove.  Don’t worry, I learned how to avoid getting burn marks on the walls,” Ephraim said.  Rachel looked horrified.

  Then Ephraim broke into grin.  “Just kidding.  It is not necessary with a self-cleaning oven.  In fact, it was my experience with a blowtorch that finally convinced my mother to buy a self-cleaning oven.”

             “I had never taken you for a pyromaniac,” Rachel responded.  “I guess you don’t get to really know a person until you are married”

            “And preparing for Pesach together,” finished Ephraim.

            While all the planning and shopping did feel overwhelming to Rachel at first, the pressure eased up considerably when Ephraim reported that his chavrutha invited him for the first seder and when their neighbor invited them for the second. 

            “Okay, we can now scratch one of the boxes of matzah, the horseradish, Romaine lettuce, and radish off the shopping list,” Rachel declared.

            “Hey, I like radish,” Ephraim protested.

            “Oh, I didn’t know that.  So I’ll still buy the radish to use in salad.  That reminds me to add salad dressing to the list.  Wow, this has certainly been a learning experience,” Rachel observed.

            “You mean learning how to prepare for Pesach?”

            “Well, yes, of course.  But also that I don’t have to start out with all the answers.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Some of the answers I can get from you.  And next time I’ll know to ask.”

            “To ask what,” Ephraim asked.

            “What vegetables you like.  Also about how often do you get the urge to start fires?”

            “Well, I think the urge will strike in about a week,” Ephraim said rather calmly.

            Rachel looked seriously worried at that, so Ephraim burst out laughing.  “For biur chametz, of course.”

            This time, Rachel let out an audible sigh of relief.  She was not only relieved that the fire would be a contained one but that she knew she will manage to get through Yom Tov with the simcha that she had been aspiring to feel.